2011: A year to be remembered

2011 is one of my another colorful year in life. It changes me everything, inside out.

• The start of a new old journey.

It starts with hope and struggle of me finishing the things which I have started. A new life of an old path. Totally new. Going back as a student status after almost 2 years of detention. I don't know which states I'm in here, should I smile or should I not? But I have to, for my family.

• The end of a relationship 

February also sees the shakes of my relationship ends. After almost 7 years being together. I do want to keep them if I have a choice, but it's for us. There's always a time in life where you have to decide your life path and it's not a one man responsibility and decision. I wish she's happy with her choice. But I just want to let her know, that she needs to be extra brave in life especially to people who trusted her for life. Confront and talk when you have any problem. Don't do it behind of me.

But seriously, this things changes me for good. Never been this happier. Never felt this good. Thank you for the moment. I do appreciate it, hope you do too regardless the mistakes we do.

• Aim for physical change

Having too much comfort while in the relations make me fat =). So after having a lot of extra time, I decide to lose some weight. My waist size from 40 inch to now 36 inch. Do it almost naturally. Now I start to go to the gym. To have a better look.

• Kicking my bad habit

Bad habit. Yes, a 13 years old bad habit in me. I've been a smoker since I was 12. Growing up with almost everyone are older than me makes me feels it was a cool thing to do. 1st time I try when I was 8 years old. Ahh..still remembered the moment being chased away by my brother after he know what I'm doing.

But then, I try to say NO and sure this is not the first time but I try to make it it's my last to try stop. Here I am, 6 weeks without smoking. Feels so great about it.

Ahh..I'm running out of time. Happy new year everybody. Happy 2012 =)

My smile just a front.

No matter how happy you are now, there's a moment when the world are backed down and brought you down. I'm not grieving but it just plain numb everywhere inside out of me.

"What worse for a broken heart? It makes you forgot other expression and feeling you ever had"

I Try - Macy Gray

This hit me now.

Restructuring Life.

Kerana tak mahu dicerca kau sembunyi,

Hakikatnya kau mencerca diri sendiri.
Tersembunyi hikmah dari segala kelakuan,
bahkan yang hitam dari mata,dasarnya tiba mensucikan jiwa.
Asalkan hati di pasakkan pada tiangNya.

Aku punya dosa sendiri,
Aku punya kelam sendiri,

Tersentak,
Kerana tahu doaku dikabulkan.

It might be usefull

There's a lot of tools for social networking nowadays.
So I'm trying out few of them.

Checkout the tools I've tried

Twitterfeed

Testing

Make it mobile!

I'm testing out from my blackberry.
With picture for sure!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Welcome Back!

Lama gila tak update blog, ketiadaan LCD. Ni baru dapat pinjam!Theeehehe

Sighhh

Semester baru sudah bermula.

Yang lepas berakhir dengan "ok" sahaja.

Masih lagi mencari application blog untuk Blackberry.

Sampai sini dulu, sekadar nak memberitahu aku masih bernafas di bumi Allah ini.

Insyaallah.

Saat masa tiba

Exam week!

Mula menggelabah sana sini. Baru nak ingat mana pergi semua nota-nota yang ada. Itu pon kalau ada salin lah. Tidur kemana, mandi kemana, makan kemana.

Masa berdetik berlari tak menanti,

Yang kau terkedek sudah penghujung baru memekik.

Ayat sesal kena buang,

Cari masa tampal lubang,

Yang bertokak takik,

Tak boleh ditarik.

Janji selesai janji,

Janji jangan tinggal janji.

Kembali Jalanmu

Saat hati berkata,

Minda cuba menafikannya.

Kata, laku,

Semua dusta.

Didorong sekeliling,

Lampu sorot beralih arah,Menyuluh,

Yang memberikan kekuatan sementara,

Hati menafikan, minda terus berbohong.

Digarap sekelip mata,

Tampak seperti seumur hidup dikorbankan,

Percaya tiada lagi yang tinggal,

Percaya tiada apa lagi kembali.

Salahkan takdir jangan,

Tetap kita milikNya,

Loh Mahfuz kekalnya segala rahsia,

Satu pun takkan dapat mengintai.

Berharap tidak memadai,

Bersiul berdendang juga tak memberi erti,

Usaha,

Sampai reput dimamah bumi.

Apa salahnya,

Istiqamah dan bersujud,

Sedangkan wujudnya Adam dari gumpalan tanah,

Dan Hawa dari belulang.

Yang ingat perlu mengingati,

Yang leka jangan dibuai mimpi,

Bukan tentang apa kau miliki,

Tentang wujudmu dimuka bumi dihisab nanti.

Sekali lagi jangan kau risau,

Soal hati,

Terjawab semuanya didalam kalimah suci,

Kerana semua ini untuk kau mengerti.

Hati jangan kau terus begini,

Katakan yang kau memahami,

Biar hariku biar malamku,

Hidup dirahmati dan diberkati.

My Technical Spesification

Today I've just get an electronic test of my health.

So I posted it up here just for personal records after 3 month in my diet and fitness program

Weight : 103.3 kg <-- ini aku heran,rasenye timbang yg aku selalu pakai tu salah!

Height : 177.0 cm

BMI : 33.0

Body Fat Index : 31.2%

Mass Body Fat : 32.2 kg

Blood Pressure : 135/83 mmHg

Pulse Rate : 87 ppm

Rindu pada studio

Currently stuck at accoustic guitar based music.

So I'm finding a space to complete one and I found out I'm lack of gears.

Audio Interface, Monitor Speakers and a Keyboard

Sigh. I miss Sandman Guitar Centre recording Studio.

Where I can do almost everything (for free).

A lot of my idea has lost with my old PC Harddisc! Sigh!

I only found 2 of them which I've uploaded in youtube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v59MBd4Vzs&feature=related

Reorded with:

-My beloved Squier Strat. (to Lan, saye nak balik gitar tu boleh?plzzzz =))

-Sonar 6 Producer Edition. Fine touch in Cubase 4

-AAMS

-OPCODE USB Sound interface.

-EZDrummer, a lot of VST delay,EQ and compressor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a6wdn4RfQU

This song recorded totally with a bass and EZdrummer. done it a few days after I get back to home from a suspensions.

Obviously it just to kill my time. But I found out its fun so I save it. But later on I know this is a mess..yaa I know!hahaha

Recorded with

-My previous Ibanez Bass (forgot the model.It a shit bass for me. menyesal beli)

-Sonar6...done it in my room

-OPCODE USB Sound Interface

-EZDrummer, a lot of VST delay,EQ and compressor

I need time to create and money to spend over again investing on my music gears.

Surely I'll go for Musicman Basses or Fender Basses after this (shit you Bentley selling those with overprice!!!)

Journey and lesson

I've been searching for the meaning of life. Over the past few years, I’m looking for something to grip and something that I meant for in this life, something to pushed me further since I have been this far. But I was mistaken, mistake of judgment in my pursuit. In fact, I already have it but I couldn’t notice it. As the time flies, and so my souls. Regrets are not a word I'm pleased. Lessons are more accurate.

This is a part of my life needs me to get out from the atmosphere I have been surrounded. It’s hard, but I have to get out of it quickly. The real deal was to recap and grabs the good things of my own for greater tomorrow.

The recedes of my life grown me up.

The sadness I felt is not real. It just a reason for me to get back in my long road. I now know what I’m chasing for. I’m now got what I meant for. Let me be, let me chase my dreams and I'm not keen enough to avoid distractions.

Cerita yang terhenti akan memulakan sebuah cerita yang lain.

Kerana masa tak akan berhenti. Selagi belum ditiup sangka kala.

Jadilah dirimu, hargai sekelilingmu.

Bahagia yang kau cari adalah bahagiamu bukan bahagiaku.

Terima kasih untuk pelajaran, terima kasih untuk pengalaman.

Jangan kau sesal kerana aku tidak pernah.

A flexi time

Complete for a week. My sleeping schedule turned out downside than I expect. A little too much inside my head, the voices of the opera, Freddie Mercury and even Dave Grohl enthusiastically sings in a pitch of a bird and I totally can't turned it off. Even the works and tasks to do still in a pile, I couldn't do it this time.

My mind still playing its tricks at their best even I've laying on my bed and rolled myself inside the blanket.

I can't found the reason of this behavior.

My last week also filled with some stinky shit and some nice shit. The car has seriously broken me up this week. Due to stupidest and laziness of being me. A cost of one month of pocket money has been drowned to an Apek with his I'm-sorry-to-hear-that-but-I-want-your-money face and still, I need to give my money to another Apek for another repair job but I'll try to find one with another face quote so I'll have a lot of face quotes to filled in life.

My heartbroken moment still flies and fling around me but it less harm this time and less frequent happening. I've found up things to fill it in and yet I believe it's a thing they called rebound. Luckily, it's not happening in a long time as my past. 3 days? Nice? Unbelievable? Bet me then! Now I've have something to be blamed rather than being an asshole-with-his-finger-in-his-butt life.

And the questions about life and love linger around me. Pretty soon I might get the right answers but I'm holding the definition for both in my own way.

The nice shit happens when me & my friends went out for a karok sessions the day I take my car from the workshop. We had fun that day and I'm not stoned to enjoy it.

Well, still hopes no more downside moment at least for next week. I need to be tough for the following month. I might get stressful.

New Skin

Bored to write for a while.

I'm going thru an unplanned moment of life.

But I don't want to think about it so I'm giving my blog a new design and look.

The banner not completed yet but I'll try to finished it with my free time.

Hopefully I can write again =)

The Bird Chirp Calling Me Name

I've got a lot free time recently. Which I'm not used to it.

So, I'm trying to find something new. Something which obviously to kill my free time.

www.twitter.com

I know I'm late for this.

But I found it fun in my way.

Follow me Gnazmi

Maybe you are my next troll victim! =)

Led me the way

Can't you hear?

There's the call for us

Defeat the enemy

Become warrior in bloodbath.

Pure stain inside us

Deepest regret of none heard off

As we hold to the sacred believe

Or we're just arrogant to obey

The summer breeze

Drag along the memory

In hatred and anger

Stand up became warrior

In the name of god

Let me be your fisabilillah

Along with your khalifah

I pray to you Allah

Led me the way

In your blessed way

Hurt and Hurt more

It just hurting me.

Whatever the outcome, it just hurting me.

I can't write anything with this pain.

It will only produced anger and hatred.

I can't share it here, it just hurting me.

Keep on thinking and asking myself "what should I do?"

But it just keep hurting me

Please. I don't know what to do.

Someone who read this, please enlightened me.

Help me to go through this.

My Left & My Right

It's been a while for me, working out my own brain especially the left one.

The Left Brain a.k.a Thinking:

• Logics
  
• Sciences & Mathematic
  
• Prefer rules
  
• Linear
  

My world has been created and taught to use mostly the left side. Living in an academically success family background has made me the urge to follow the elders.

But somehow, the right brain needs their time too. I've spend a little time for myself to pampers this kind of need. For those wondering what the right brain is all about, read it through the bottom

The Right Brain a.k.a Feeling:

• Subjective
  
• Spontaneous
  
• Arts & Music
  
• Intuitive

Some said, we need to do activities to balance our brain functions. By listening to music while working might helps. But as for myself, I've hooked up with the Right function. The exploration in arts, music and feelings has taught me a new perspective of view in my own life. In the other word, I live in my own universe.

Being a scientist or an engineer always LEFT me out. I think it's my RIGHT who keep me smiling exploring my life.

A nice poster from Mercedes-Benz. I took it from here

http://modular4kc.com/2011/02/25/left-brain-or-right-brain-both-are-mercedes-benz/

I might be sleeping right now

A tiring but super fun!

I sleep early so I can watch today's early match. Both were Arsenal rivals.

It ends up with 3 points were Chelsea's

Chelsea 2 - Manchester United 1 at Stamford Bridge

Thanks to Chelsea. You have made the league point gap closer for us,The Gunners!

In Arsene We Trust!

Rupture of a time

A part of my life has made me realize.

A dream, a regret, a relations, a hope and a future shattered in a split second.
Drowned to deep under where no men can rescue me. These story will I kept untold, I'll let the sadness eats me.
To kept me pinched awake, whenever I'm falls asleep.

Despite the pains I had, It's actually a story written in a fresh notebook. The pains relief by a fake smile and turns out as compliment to myself. It's the price I've to pay anyway.

Along the journey, I've met a few to be spoken here. A few people. Which has same similarities.
Similar in survival from a mistake in past and they succeed.

I've gather the thoughts, all of them have something to drive against their past.
A knife pointed in their butt to kept they running ahead. Rather not stopping and living alone in sadness.

What makes me running?What makes me ACTUALLY running?

LOVE?
DREAM?
or I just running because everybody was in their pursuit?Because I'm afraid to be left behind?

NO.period.
I kept running because of my responsibilities.
I have my debts on Abah and Mak. I have my debts on along,angah & ikah. I've have my debts on my family.
They are the one who catch me whenever I needed in my worst moment.

I must pay them. Not in materialistic term.

I owe you all. My tears in pains doesn't enough for it.
Thanks to Allah because still giving me a chance to look for them. Giving me a chance to erase the footprint to disaster.
Some way and somehow I still can't doing it 100% but I rather die trying.

I love them very much. I missed them now
Ya Allah, if you hear my pray. Please buy me some time to repay them.

Introduction

No need an introduction on myself.

It just me saying anything crossed my mind along the journey of life.

I'll be myself, a brand new myself which I don't have a logic understands if this will bring me the happiness I'm looking for.

And what I'm looking for?

Ask yourself what you really looking for and you'll get same answers as mine.

It's not funny when you already know what you will be one day. Way not funny.

Still remember the rhyme?

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera

What will be, will be.

What will be, will be